theMan - We have all heard the saying “opposites attract.” It’s definitely true for magnets and it can be true for people. However, is the converse true? Do similar people repel each other?
I don’t think so. The happiest/longest relationships that I have seen involve people who have similar interests and enjoy doing things together.
I believe in finding someone that is similar to you who shares common interests with you so that you can grow together and enjoy things in life together. For instance, I found myself saying, “You know what I like about you. You remind me of myself” to my girlfriend when we first started dating. It has been working out extremely well. On the other hand, some relationships end with the sentiment “It just won’t work out. We’re just too different.”
It’s a relationship. Not a social studies project.
Here are some pro’s and con’s to being in a relationship with someone who is different from you:
Pro
- You get to learn about a new culture
Con
- Complexity can increase – different religious or cultural backgrounds can complicate raising children
- Conflicts can increase – the number of fights that you may have is likely to increase
- Lack of Understanding – you may have trouble fully understanding someone else’s culture or simply reject it because you are more tied to your own. You may constantly find yourself needing to explain yourself to your partner because they do not think like you do.
Relationships can be complicated by themselves and can become even more complicated when people have different religions, sexual needs, hobbies, values in life, etc.
Here are the benefits of being with someone that is similar to you:
Pro’s
- You can enjoy doing similar hobbies and spending time together
- You will fight less and have fewer areas of conflict
- You can work more easily toward common goals
- You don’t need to spend as much time “explaining yourself” and why you do things or why you value certain things
Con’s
- Lack of diversity – you may lose out on a difference of perspective or opinion that could prevent you from making mistakes
- You may learn less about the world than you otherwise would have
Thoughts?
1 response so far ↓
Suze // February 25, 2008 at 12:55 pm
This tidbit of advice has helped me often. It assumes three things: 1. You’re looking for a serious marriage-type relationship. 2. You know yourself and your main values very well. 3. You and the person are going on bona fide dates in real life.
As early as possible in a relationship (not immediately or prematurely; ideally before sex but after *at least* 5 bona fide dates), ask yourself, “If I died and we had young kids together, would my kids be raised well *by my standards* by this person?”